The Gift
“In the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider which parts are worth rushing back to” – Dave Hollis
This quote. My honey buns sent it to me on one of his never ending shifts at the fire station and it stuck. I’m sure you read it by now on social media, but did you FEEL it? What would we do, no, rather what wouldn’t we do if we had just enough crazy in us to not return to the things we deemed so necessary before this global pandemic grounded us to a halt?
That’s a big question to ask your insides, but possibly the mightest, weightest one to consider. We can all agree there has never been (in our lifetime) a pandemic such as this. One that literally changed the way we live our daily lives and that of our friends and family and children. No one went untouched this time. It alarms me a little bit that we might also miss this moment. This chance to consider such a question. Its sounds a bit dramatic to claim this could be the single most pivotal question you answer in a lifetime…but what if it is? What if for a thousand reasons in your singular life you don’t ever get the pause button pushed again to help you weigh out how you will expand your life?
Our culture, as you know, is not slow. It does not revere thought, and meditation and reflection. In America there is no space built into our lives to “Stop. Feel. Think. Then, Respond.” We pride ourselves on long hard work, hours of toil and determination to the task at hand. We praise one another for loyalty and relentlessness. For crying out loud the company I work for uses the word “relentless” in its mission statement. It all means so well. It teaches good work ethic and commitment and character; also things Americans want to be known for. But. Does it mean anything if it’s not what makes you come alive? If it does not return you back to you?
Look. I gotta keep the lights on and most people in this country are not negotiating their salaries, so I am not suggesting we quite our 9 to 5’s (although maybe you do………do you?) what I am suggesting is that their is a moment happening right now and they may never come again like this for you. STOP. Feel. Take notes. One thing I can promise you is there will be another moment in your life, it’s inevitable and unavoidable and it is not as forgiving as this one. It comes at the very end and for many of us it will leave room enough for us to feel it and have to answer to it. The questions will be “What would you do differently?” “What was most important?” “Did that (‘that’ will be different for each of us) matter after all?”
Whenever I get going too fast, or when things felt insanely too slow (like when I stayed home with three under five) and I thought my insides might die, I would stop and ask the question “If I was on my deathbed right now would I regret how I am spending my time?” When I was a stay at home mother doing the fucking insane work of what that job entails I never, ever said “No.” It was the hardest of work at the time, but I knew it was worth all my time, all of who I was. Since about the third week of the pandemic I can’t say I answer that question with confidence anymore in all the places I should be. And I use ‘should’ lightly here cause I don’t fully believe we should be doing anything any which way – that’s bull shit logic that curates space for shame.
Right now, while I am at home working full time, raising and homeschooling three boys full time. I am also making a list of the things that have taken me away from me. That have sucked the life from my soul, from my families soul. I am noting what I deeply and truly want for myself and I am pausing long enough to consider if what I am meant to do and be on this planet in my own bright and shiny little life is possible while I do all these other ‘necessary’ things. And. I am dreaming about what it would look like to change it all so my answer is not regrettable when that last inevitable question comes.
For some of you, this will be an evaluation of whom you even spend time with. For others, you may be leaving the safety of jobs that brought you gorgeous sofas and took you to Hawaii and Disneyland, but slayed your insides. Others of us will face our addictions up close and personal and need to decide who wins after the ref blows the whistle and life starts again. Some of us need to get off social media and hop entirely out of the rat race just to teach ourselves how to feel again in the first place. These times are a bit scary, with a bit of grief and a dash of fear, but they are also a gift to us. Time is our most valuable and precious resource, we never ever get it back.
Use your gift wisely brave ones, God sent it just for you in just this moment.
Pinz
xoxo
